Chapter 13: Digging Up the Ransom
Having uncovered the X-marks-the-spot, we can see where to begin digging. Oh, by the way (actually, in a parabolic way), there was somewhat of an incident between the last chapter (Chapter 12) and this chapter (Chapter 13). Judge Fleming came by with an injunction for us to cease and desist. It was five pages long. We traded papers. I handed him the first twelve chapters of this book (124 pages). I told him, “Your Honor, you can stay or you can get. You have no authority here. I advise you to step back and make as much room as you can. We are going to dig up our RANSOM.”
“How?” His Honor, inquired.
The same way anything is dug up. By getting ALL the dirt out of the way.
In his parables, Jesus always represents MAN as the soil. So... more specifically, we are going to get MAN out of the way. Most specifically? We are going to get theological-MAN out of the way. This is a much-needed history lesson. Vitally important for us to see what kind of a monstrous kettle of fish has been fed to our Church-Pilots throughout the centuries; so they, in turn, can feed us. Wait till you see what we’ve been eating (try not to barf).
The part of the airplane that we, the good paying passengers are most familiar with is “the seats” section. Our pilots’ voices “come on” to us through the cabin speakers.
“Let us turn to the pages of (such and such) chapter and verse of the Book of (such and such).”
They are preparing us for our in-flight meal. Each of our pilots have long since put together a personal flight plan using the six Church-Approved Atonement Theories at their disposal. (Some claim seven, others as many as eight. Redundant and splitting hairs.) Six is enough. A well stocked refrigerator. Our flight attendants pick and choose bits and pieces of these (their favorite ingredients), wrap them up in a mini-enchilada — today’s portion (our single-serving) — turn up the cabin-speakers (loud to “ten”) and then proceed... enthusiastically... to feed it to us.
The Early Church actually “believed” in Jesus’ Word, RANSOM. Only, the theology (if one could call it that) sounded less like a thesis from the Pope’s round table and much more like a movie script born out of a Hollywood pitch room.
1.) THE RANSOM THEORY (The-Devil-Gets-The-RANSOM)
Adam and Eve sold ALL of humanity over to Satan. In response, God turned Jesus over to Satan to be crucified as a RANSOM to pay off the devil — thus saving the Christian Church portion of the human race.
This was a debt that ALL of humanity owed because of (you guessed it) Original Sin.
However, God tricked the devil. The RANSOM blew up in the devil’s face (like as if he’d fired a gun with mud stuck in the barrel). Unbeknown to the devil, Jesus himself was God, and so Christ escaped the clutches of the Evil villain Satan after still saving the day and the souls of the tithe-offering members of the holy Catholic Apostolic Church. The End. Run the credits (no... actually, run the fine print):
So... as long as you believe in our Atonement theory AND... haven’t already committed a non-confessed, non-penitent mortal sin, or, go on after Atonement and commit one. For, if you die in non-confessed, non-penitent mortal sin, then ALL bets are off and you cannot be atoned.
AND... as long as you ARE a tithe-offering member of our holy Apostolic Catholic Church AND... abide by our rules and regulations AND... do your upmost best to carefully adhere to ALL our dos and don’ts (while you are alive) then... when you die... you will probably go to Heaven.
On the other hand, if you are NOT a tithe-offering member of our holy Apostolic Catholic Church who does NOT abide by our rules and regulations and does NOT do his upmost best to carefully adhere to ALL our dos and don’ts (while you are alive) then, when you die, you are surely going straight to eternal Hell.
(Ka-Ching!)
Quite a profitable concept. Did you catch that tithe-offering-member bit blended in as an additional requirement? Talk about money in the bank. The devil can get the RANSOM, just so long as Judge Fleming gets his fair share of the rest of the money.
For the first thousand years of the organized existence of the Christian Church, “The-Devil-Gets-The-RANSOM” was the most widely held Church Atonement Theory. Irenaeus of Lyons first articulated the theory in the second century, and the great Christian “thinker” Origen doctrinally put it to ink and paper in the third century. At the peak of ALL this Neanderthal thinking, Anselm of Canterbury (another great Christian “thinker”) finally debunked the theory in the twelfth century.
2.) THE SATISFACTION THEORY (God-Gets-the-RANSOM)
At this point, Judge Fleming is close to dismissing the Word RANSOM altogether. Multiple theories abound on land and in the wind. The newest of these theories becomes popularly known throughout Church circles as “The Satisfaction Theory.” Notice, the Word RANSOM does not even appear in the title. “God-Gets-the-RANSOM” is merely a helpful subtitle. For, Anselm argued...
“The Devil Gets the RANSOM Theory” gives the devil far too much power. How could God ever owe anything to Satan? I propose that what actually happened is this: Jesus died on the cross in order to pay back the huge sin-debt that mankind owes to God. And, so... actually... God... gets the RANSOM.
ALL the Pope’s horses and ALL the Pope’s men immediately loved the idea. Only one problem. This theory puts God in the role of the kidnapper.
Harrumph! Harrumph! That part does not fly the airplane properly — it makes us go sideways and almost inverted.
So... let’s do AWAY with that troublesome Word “RANSOM” altogether. Sure, it’s Jesus’ Word, but he really did not know money and finance like we know money and finance, now did he? We need another word for “payment.”
Harrumph! Harrumph!
Harrumph! say the counsel members... over and over... as their brains fracas in furious thought.
Harrumph!
How about Satisfaction?
The Latin? Satisfacere: Satis, meaning: “sufficient” or “enough”; plus, Facere, meaning: “to do” or “to make.” What’d ya think, Christendom? Latin to English — Sufficient to do the trick? Or... Enough to make us okay? Nope. Here is the Church-Meaning in ecclesiastical verbiage:
“The expiation of wrongdoing.”
Dummied-down from pilot to congregation:
“Penance that the priest gives you.”
Ooh! “Satisfaction!” Now, THAT FLIES!
Satisfaction, as in “Justice.”
And, Satisfaction, as in “Payment.”
What the cross does is balance the scales of God’s justice. Humanity owes a huge sin debt to God, and so, God gets His SATISFACTION... in payment... by way of Christ’s blood.
I like it!
We like it!
This is exactly where Judge Fleming stops concerning himself with the specific Jesus-Word, RANSOM, and replaces it, outright, with the nonspecific Church-word, “Satisfaction.” And, so... from this point onward (yes, unto this very day), the Word of Jesus (RANSOM) has been replaced by the word of Paul: “Justified.” Talk about feeding the sheep. “Justified” is a theological Thanksgiving turkey, providing enough white meat and dark meat to satisfy Judge Fleming’s SATISFACTION-infatuation. Enough for both appetites. “Justice” and “Payment.” Coined into Christianeese: “Justification.” Babble and more babble to explain AWAY babble.
“We are justified by ‘faith’.”
Faith in what?
“Faith in our JUSTIFICATION of course.”
Judge Fleming has thrown AWAY the key that unlocks the door. Even worse. Judge Fleming changed the name on the door. A door that should read: WHAT’S BEEN DONE FOR US ON THE CROSS.
No, no! It should NOT read that way! That has been painted over with ten coats of black gloss and a new sign on the door that reads: JUSTIFICATION. It is not about ‘what’s been done for US’ — we, me, you, I, SELF. Forget SELF! The cross is SATISFACTION for the needs of God! Both as justice AND payment — SATISFACTION. As a generous by-product, SELF has been JUSTIFIED of SELF'S past-sin. BUT! (wouldn’t be The Church without as least another “BUT” thrown in) SELF now has two choices: “Backslide into sin” or “Obey obedience.” (Thanks Paul)
May the record show that our JUSTIFICATION is a Divine means of restitution to appease the justice of God. So... as long as you believe in our Atonement theory AND... haven’t already committed a non-confessed, non-penitent mortal sin, or, go on after Atonement and commit one. For, if you die in non-confessed, non-penitent mortal sin, then ALL bets are off and you cannot be atoned.
AND... as long as you ARE a tithe-offering member of our holy Apostolic Catholic Church AND... abide by our rules and regulations AND... do your upmost best to carefully adhere to ALL our dos and don’ts (while you are alive) then... when you die... you will probably go to Heaven.
On the other hand, if you are NOT a tithe-offering member of our holy Apostolic Catholic Church who does NOT abide by our rules and regulations and does NOT do his upmost best to carefully adhere to ALL our dos and don’ts (while you are alive) then, when you die... you are surely going straight to eternal Hell.
What “surely” went “straight to eternal Hell” was another half-a-millennium. “The Satisfaction Theory” endures almost exclusively for over four-hundred inexplicable years... until... Judge Fleming himself becomes even more inexplicable. The Protestant Reformation explodes The Church in two.
There were a gazillion problems plaguing the first fifteen-hundred years of The Church. (Ya think?) If not, the Reformation would have never taken place. There were so many problems, the Neanderthal Church-Reformers had no clear point of reference from which to see the entire cornucopia of problems. For decades (being exceedingly Neanderthal-Brainwashed themselves) the Reformers had been strictly and exclusively instructed into “The Faith” by the Formed-Church. Chief Reformer Martin Luther, himself, had been a Catholic priest for ten years. Consequentially, the Re-Formed Church inherited a snoot-full of errors from the Formed Church. Including ALL ten of THE CHURCH’S TOP TEN MOST PROFANE ERRORS OF ALL TIME. Specifically, NUMBER TWO on that Top Ten List is the subject at hand. The dismissing and replacing of the Jesus-Word, RANSOM. This abomination is second only to the NUMBER ONE Most Profane Church-Error of ALL Time: Judge Fleming’s insistence that the Living God created the universe out of NOTHING.
What a train wreck. Compounding the RANSOM-disaster with the advent of “let’s-clean-up-the-Church” was like sending a housekeeper with five mops and one bucket “Alone” to Ground-Zero (yes, the demolished Twin Towers site) the day after 9/11. Suffice to say, no Reformer concerned himself with digging our RANSOM up and out of the smoldering rubbish.
Consequentially, no reformation of the damage done to What’s-Been-Done-For-Us-On-the-Cross has ever taken place — unless more damage counts as “reform.”
The Gods-Honest Truth?
The Reformation was as much help in cleaning up the theological disaster of... What’s-Been-Done-For-Us-On-the-Cross... as if a third plane at New York (targeting Ground-Zero on 9/11-plus-one) had crashed into the housekeeper.
3.) THE PENAL SUBSITUTIONARY THEORY
“Penal Substitutionary Atonement” — the brainchild of the Protestant Reformation. Wow. Can anyone even pronounce this guttural Christianeese? “Penal Substitutionary Atonement.” How’s that for a tongue-twister? More like, let’s do “The Mind Twister” — a ride at some amusement park.
Just when we thought there was no way Judge Fleming’s convoluted thinking could have ever gotten any more convoluted. You NEED seminary school AND a seeing-eye-dog to navigate this ditch. For, from out of this babbling pit we gained one the longest words in the English dictionary.
Antidisestablishmentarianism.
Can you even imagine such a word — or the phrase “Penal Substitutionary Atonement” — ever coming out of Jesus’ mouth?
Actually, “Substitutionary” is not a word. The “learned” have to invent words to define nonsense for the unlearned. Voodoo-Lingo specifically created to make you “believe.” See? On so many levels, the language is Truly make-believe. The Reformers (specifically, Luther and Calvin) swallowed Anselm’s “Satisfaction Theory” in one gulp... with a bit of a lime chaser. What they added is a more legal framework into the old-Church vision of seeing the cross as SATISFACTION, with an Eddie Murphy/Dan Aykroyd slant throw-in: Having Jesus Trading Places with the kidnap victim. The result?
Yes, we agree: Jesus Christ died to satisfy God’s wrath against human sin. BUT... forget that “only for the holy Apostolic Catholic Church” nonsense.
Harrumph!
Harrumph!
Careful. The Church STILL needs to be exclusive. Otherwise, it may take a big chunk of the ‘Ka-Ching’ out of it! Surely, we do not want OUR till to come up short.
Harrumph!
Harrumph!
Brothers! The answer has already been sent to us! Our prophet and brother, John Calvin has already figured out the “exclusive” part. It is called “Predestination!” Before the founding of the world, God knew EXACTLY who He was going to save and EXACTLY who He was NOT going to save and, thereby, eternally execute in the eternal fires of Hell.
The saved of course, being us.
Yes, the called-out-of-the-world members of the TRUE Church.
We’ll call us “The Elect” and/or “The Body of Christ!”
I like it!
We like it!
May the record show that our Justification is a divine means by which God sent his only begotten son to die on the cross to satisfy God’s wrath against human sin — to appease the justice of God as atonement for the Elect. Jesus is punished IN THE PLACE of the Elected-Christian-Sinner in order to satisfy the justice of God and the legal demand of God to punish sin. Looking upon Jesus’ death from up High, God can now forgive the Elected-Christian-Sinner (and only the Elected-Christian-Sinner) because Jesus Christ has been punished in the place of (having TRADED PLACES with) the Elected-Christian-Sinner. In this way, meeting the retributive requirements of God’s justice.
(Seriously, can you even imagine Jesus, giving such a speech from the mount?)
Hush! The Judge is not done giving his ruling!
(Oh, excusez-moi)
So... As long as you have not already been “Predestined” as trash for the garbage dump — and, if so, then ALL bets are off and you cannot be Justified.
AND... as long as you ARE a tithe-offering member of the Body of Christ/The Elect AND... abide by OUR rules and regulations based upon OUR interpretation of the Bible, AND... do your upmost best to carefully adhere to ALL OUR dos and don’ts (while you are alive) then, when you die, you will go straight to Heaven.
On the other hand, if you are NOT a tithe-offering member of the Body of Christ who abides by ALL OUR rules and regulations based upon OUR interpretation of the Bible... then... it is already “Predestined” that, when you die, you will go straight to eternal Hell.
The theory stems from the false Christian premise of Adam committing “Original Sin” AND... the added presumption of “God’s” livid insanity to punish humanity for it, with the exception of “The Elect”/“The Body of Christ” of course. A presumption which hinges entirely upon Judge Fleming’s contrived Judgment that God punished Adam.
Hello? Listen very carefully. Jesus does not take “our punishment” upon himself.
Under God’s Heaven, why would you say such a thing?
Because... there is no punishment from our Father for being duped into becoming the shanghaied slave of Master Knowledge of Good & Evil. There is no punishment from our Father for carelessly choosing to contract brain cancer. That’s right. There is no PUNISHMENT. However, there is an EFFECT. ALL you clergymen should be the most relieved (out of ALL of us) to absolutely know: There is no punishment from God for what you call, “Adam’s sin.”
The clergymen gasp: Why should WE be the “most relieved”?
Because, every day (worse than Adam & Eve), you choose to eat the exact same fruit. What do you take to eat from your teachers? Good & Evil. What in turn do you feed your sheep? Good & Evil. Upon what do you base your dogma? Good & Evil. What is the foundation of your mindset? Good & Evil. What is the basic content of everything that goes into your gut and comes back up out of your mouths? Good & Evil. You eat IT and breathe IT into your gills. Cause & Effect — verily, verily, although there is no punishment from our Father for the CAUSE (eating the fruit), there is indeed a disastrous EFFECT:
DEATH.
Genesis 2:17 (KJV) “But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die.”
It should be easy to see why our Father infinitely gives us His love and PERFECT mercy. It is abundantly easy to prove our innocence... by virtue of our stupidity. What about it, Jury-Member? Do you find humanity legally guilty beyond a reasonable doubt? Considering the degree of our stupidity and the divine-genius of the Forces of Darkness working against us, can you rightfully Judge that a person (any person) is criminally responsible for his own kidnapping?
God is our GOOD Father. He does not divide His human children into categories of saved and damned. Indeed, there is punishment in God’s plan for murder; for harmful-deceit; for promoting teachings that, by polluted design, diminish the Kingdom of God and... for just plain ol’ bein’ hurtful to others. However, the Scriptures confirm that there is no such thing as ETERNAL punishment for any human being. That is the God’s-Honest Truth. We will study this Truth (in great detail) once we dig-up and unwrap “ALL.”
Every Card-Carrying-Christian is taught to “believe”: Christians alone are predestined to rule in heaven (over-the-rainbow somewhere) while the rest of humanity burns in eternal destruction.
I have heard certain pilots flying this airline actually describe their Eternal-Punishment-In-Hell-Bent-Father-in-Heaven as “a benign dictator.” I am not joking. And, neither are they. They really mean it. If this is “Truth” then Adolph Hitler was a benign dictator. Hitler determined “The Elect” portion of humanity as well. He called them “the Master-Race.” He and his “Church” were also supposed to go on to rule the world in heavenly utopia. Hitler also predetermined who would go to destruction. It’s called a concentration camp. You know... for ALL that “predetermined-deadwood.” The benign-dictator called it “The Final Solution.”
Here is an entirely reasonable question for the jury. Why do you suppose any god (much less a loving Living God) would bother to create anyone “Predestined” for Eternal-Destruction? Even Hitler had the logical-sense to prefer (or charitably wish?) that the people he sent to destruction... SHOULD HAVE NEVER BEEN BORN TO BEGIN WITH. Yet, the “god” of the predestination crowd purposefully births people into existence with the afore-known plan of eternally executing them? If this is your “Faith,” I’d really like to know, what god are you worshiping?
Sieg heil! Mien-benign-Fuhrer-god!
Whoa (and woe). The Living God is not livid with rage toward the two-year-old who was duped into eating brain cancer... nor with ALL the rest of us offspring children now that the poison from the fruit has spread throughout ALL the food we eat. We have been poisoned. God is our GOOD Parent Who will take every single one of us to the Emergency Room. Our Father’s will is that none perish. Yet, clearly, Christian dogma is diametrically opposed to God’s will:
No! MANY will perish! Here is an idea! Let’s not just take ALL the air out of the ambulance tires. Let’s blow-up the ambulance with a pipe bomb!
Dear Father, how can we put the Ambulance You sent for us back together again?
“By fully understanding this wonderfully simple Word of My Son of Light: RANSOM. Learn what it is. And, most especially, learn what it is not.”
Thank you, Father. Upon doing so, we learn that a RANSOM is a very specific kind of payoff for the release of someone from captivity — commonly a kidnap-victim. A RANSOM is NOT the “satisfaction” of a debt. Nor is it a “substitution.” Not anything of the kind. Nor does Jesus “Become Sin in his Father’s eye.” How repulsively stupid.
Carefully examine how any RANSOM works. Does the guy who pays the RANSOM take the place of the kidnap victim? No. Only in the movie, Man On Fire. In the real world? Absolutely not. Same with Jesus’ RANSOM. If Christian dogma IS correct that “God’s justice demands sinners be sent to eternal Hell,” then JESUS IS BURNING... and will continue to burn... forever... in eternal Hell... if what was done on the cross is Penal-Substitution for how God supposedly punishes sinners. Please. Let’s get real. Jesus does NOT trade places with the victim — actually... finding himself mercilessly shackled to the Lordship of Master Knowledge of Good & Evil; thus, himself, becoming a slave to Sin.
Does the guy who pays the RANSOM take the place of the kidnapper? Absolutely not. Same with Jesus’ RANSOM. Jesus KNOWS the Lord (the same Lord I KNOW): “Our Father, Who art in Heaven.” Jesus and I ABSOLUTELY KNOW: Our Father in Heaven is NOT a Slave-Master. Nowhere does Jesus tell us (nor even suggest) that we go from one Slave-Master to another. To the contrary, Jesus says that his RANSOM sets us FREE — “FREE-Indeed.” Church atonement theory is SO wrong... it’s ridiculously comical.
The scariest Truth? Today... “Penal Substitutionary Atonement” is the Church’s most dominant What’s-Been-Done-For-Us-On-the-Cross theory. Especially popular among the Re-Formed and the Evangelical. The current pilots have it ALL boiled down to a very popular theological question:
“Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior?”
In practice, “Penal Substitutionary Atonement” venerates the “Lord” portion superbly. The Paul-Taught Church fully expects you to become “a Slave to Jesus” with Paul and Judge Fleming as your overseers. Judge Fleming drapes a full-length evening gown over Jesus’ shoulders. On it is written front and back, SERVE JESUS AS THE LORD... and... PAINSTAKINGLY OBEY PAUL'S LIST OF DOS & DON'TS. Such mandates are completely foreign to Jesus and his teaching. Instead, Jesus tells us:
“The Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve.”
Long before MAN fabricated plastic, The Church fabricated its own plastic Jesus. While Judge Fleming alphabetically and unendingly defines the “LORD” portion of “your Lord and Savior” (how to obey your Lord — via Paul), Penal Substitutionary Atonement leaves a huge hole of ambiguity about the “SAVIOR” part of this grand, sixteenth century theological-hypothesis...specifically... when it comes to the Saving-Us-From-Sin part of this useless Medieval idea. Yes, Medieval. Also known as the Dark Ages.
Indeed. Through the application of this very popular Church-Spun atonement theory, how is ALL the sin of the world taken AWAY?
It isn’t.
Well then... through the application of “Penal Substitutionary Atonement,” how is ALL the sin of even one “believing” sinner taken AWAY?
It isn’t. As the “believer” stumbles through Life, wearing his Penal-Substitutionary-Atonement button, he continues onward as a Slave of Sin.
Well then... how ARE we RANSOMED from THE CAUSE (The Knowledge of Good & Evil) and from THE EFFECT (Sin) by “believing” in Penal Substitutionary Atonement?
We aren’t.
Under Pharisee-Paul’s Post-Plane-Crash Manifesto (in which Judge Fleming has placed his trust and abide) we have two concluding choices. We can be the obedient slave to Master Sin or we can be the obedient slave to Master Sin. ALL Church remedies keep us In-Sin: Master Obedience, Master Self-Earned Righteousness, Master Law and even us erecting our own plastic Jesus action figure (our substitutionary kidnapper) on the dashboard of our car. ALL these theological-substitutes sell each and every one of us right back into the clutches of Master Sin. And, so... every Church-Taught Christian continues onward as a self-admitted sinner. It’s EXPLICITLY in the preaching! Tell ’em pastor:
“Believe and be saved! Join us and become a sinner saved by grace!”
Tell ’em Jesus:
John 8:34 (Original Greek): “ANYONE who sins is a slave of sin.”
Hey, Church-Pilots. Here’s a question for you and your parishioners, straight out of The Holy Spirit Handbook:
“Have you Truly-Accepted, 100%, with no ifs, ands or buts, that ALL your sin has been taken AWAY by What’s-Been-Done-For-You-On-the-Cross?”
Get out of here with that nonsense! We wouldn’t ask that question to anyone!
Indeed, these pilots are excellent lawyers (there’s the Penal... and... the Legal part again). They will not ask a question for which they themselves know not the answer.
Not true! We “believe” Jesus died for your sins. Now, get out in the field and start pickin’ that cotton! Were gonna show you ALL the dos and don’ts for how to make Jesus the Lord of your Life! No, brother, THAT'S not the proper way to brush your teeth!
You gotta love it. “WE'RE gonna show YOU how to make Jesus, the Lord of YOUR Life.” Okay, blind ones, show us. (Drill Whistle!) Line up, troops! Hup, 2, 3, 4! Follow Paul, follow our Church’s interpretation of Scripture and follow Christianity...
...right into the ditch.
Penal-Substitutionary Christians remain self-admitted sinners from application to finish line — from starry-eyed salvation-story to death-bed. ALL the while, claiming Jesus as “Lord.”
Jesus would rather we call him “Janitor” and Truly-Take his gift than for us to call him “Lord” and Truly ignore his gift. What Jesus cares about is that we Truly listen to him. To him, mind you. Not Paul. Tell us again, Jesus... just in case any die-hard Penal-Substitutionary cheese-head is finally listening:
“Anyone who sins is a slave of sin.” (Thanks Jesus)
Throughout the annals of Christian dogma, Christianity’s Church-Fathers concocted lesser-dominant Atonement Theories as well. Ones that Church-Going Christians across ALL denominations “believed,” lived by and died by.
“Died by” specifically brings us to the next Church-Spun Atonement theory:
4.) THE MORAL INFLUENCE THEORY (The Christian-Kamikaze Pact)
Also known as “The Moral Example Theory.” Very much the Radical-Christian version of Jihad, with one loving and caring exception. The Christian-Way to kill-yourself-for-the-cause is to fly your single-pilot airplane (with no passengers on board) into an unoccupied building. This theory completely dismisses the Savior part, while it exclusively promotes the absolute moral rule of what a “fully-equipped” Church-Pilot “believes” it means to “follow the Lord.” It focuses not on gaining “salvation” by “believing” in “the cross,” but on emulating the Life of Jesus, his suffering and then... specifically... emulating his death.
We are not saved by what’s been done for us on the cross; but, rather, we gain atonement through justification by diligently following the moral example of Christ — the crucifixion itself being Christ’s ultimate moral example for us. Christ showed us how we should die in martyrdom for the cause. “The cause” being morality itself and Jesus being our first martyr. Therefore, the only way you can complete your Life as a true Christian is to figure out a selfless way to suffer and to die as a martyr. You see, friend, it is not enough to just become a tithe-offering member of the Body of Christ AND... a slave to ALL of our dos and don’ts. You must ALSO... suffer and die a martyr’s death.
Wow. If we only had more Christians like this, we’d have less Christians like this.
5.) THE CHRISTUS VICTOR THEORY (“Christ the Victor”)
In the same-titled book (published in 1931 AD), Lutheran bishop Gustav Aulen, revamps for our “new age” what many scholars consider to have already been a dominant theory throughout the historical Christian Church.
Jesus died in order to defeat the Powers of Evil (Sin, Death, and the devil) in order to FREE humankind from our bondage.
Theoretically sound. Kind of vague, though, as to how it ALL practically works. Actually, ALL Christian Atonement-theories are purposefully vague in the How-It-ALL-Practically-Works department. Typical of Religion. We are counseled by Judge Fleming to “Have ‘faith’.” That way it’s much easier for the proponents of these theories to avoid ALL the blatant contradictions. For instance, slavery and FREEDOM are diametrically opposed conditions.
By joining Judge Fleming and becoming a slave to ALL of his dos and don’ts, how is FREEDOM from the bondage of Sin actually achieved? How is the plague of Sin gotten-rid-of, most particularly in the here and the now? Today’s well-taught Mature-Christian from any church will proudly inform you:
“It isn’t. We have to die to become entirely sinless.”
Funny, that’s what I thought Jesus came here to do for us? Silly me.
In its earliest expression, one could easily mistake “The Christ the Victor” theory as an alternative to “The Devil Gets the RANSOM” theory. However, in “The Christ the Victor” theory there is no RANSOM paid to the devil nor to God. What was done for us on the cross did not “pay off” anyone, but simply defeated Evil; thereby, setting the human race FREE. Almost plausible, except for one big problem. Jesus clearly tells us, he is “GIVING his Life to us... AS... a RANSOM.” Thus... if the RANSOM never actually makes its way to the kidnapper (truly getting exchanged for the Life of the kidnap victim), What’s-Been-Done-For-Us-On-the-Cross is pretty-much to no avail. Frankly, the RANSOM is worthless. Which makes PERFECT sense in light of the Romans 6:16 plane crash. Since, we as good Christians are “striving” to become sinless by practicing Pharisee-Extremist-Slavery to obedience, righteousness and the Law, why on Earth do we need the cross?
Well... something with which to decorate our churches and wear around our necks to keep handy. You know. For protection. In case a vampire-attack breaks out.
6.) THE GOVERNMENTAL THEORY (“Salvation” Inc.)
Our sixth and final Church Justification Theory (and the audience cheers... for this is almost over). “The Governmental Theory” of Atonement is an offshoot of “The Penal Substitutionary Theory” (an opposing offshoot), making its debut in 19th Century Methodism; although, most modern-day Methodists still claim Justification under “Penal Substitutionary Atonement.” William Booth heavily adopted this theory in his creation of the Salvation Army.
The reason Jesus died on the cross, first and foremost, was nothing more than an advertisement — a four-hour infomercial (the hours Jesus lasted writhing and suffering before ultimately expiring on the cross). This was merely a four-hour sales-pitch to demonstrate God’s wrath against sin and the high price that anyone must pay, unless the sinner mends his evil ways.
Sinner, you had best understand, and come to that understanding quick, that what happened to Jesus on the cross does NOT satisfy God’s wrath against YOU, the sinner! You have been mislead by that devil-church you’ve been attending!
Number one, God is STILL going to keep his wrath going against you, unless you mend your evil ways and adhere to ALL the dos and don’ts of not just ANY church, but specifically OUR church.
Because, number two, Jesus died... not for any one person and, certainly, not for the likes of YOU nor for the likes of the world at large — not even for other “Christians” merely flamboozled by the devil into THINKING they are Christians. For, they and ALL like them have attached their caboose to the wrong train. Jesus died for OUR Church as a corporate entity — and for OUR corporate entity alone.
AND... if you, by faith and charter letter, are a part of OUR Church AND... abide by ALL of OUR dos and don’ts AND... give graciously to OUR Church bank account (and diversified portfolio) you can take part in “Justification” — God’s salvation. If not... you are going straight to eternal Hell.
Didn’t you know? Jesus came to save Sears and the Chrysler Corporation. A “corporate entity.” Salvation Inc. And, you better “believe” it, the “Inc.” stands for INCORPORATED. Mind you, not one of those clever little Ltd sissy-boy, limited corporations — no, no, no. We’re talkin’ full-blown CORPORATION with a charter, diversified-liquidity and a team of attorneys and brother-stockholders.
Brother, the stock is “Justification.” And, if you want a “share” of it, you are more than welcome to come IN HERE WITH US and get you some.
In this way, Judge Fleming has gone-public. A public corporation. Not unlike Sears and the Chrysler Corporation.
Wanna start a church? Okay. What’s gonna be our combination of whatever bits and pieces of whichever part of these six Christian Atonement/Justification theories makes the most “believable” sense to us?
Like six different puzzles with interchangeable pieces.
Borrowing a big piece from “The Governmental Theory” puzzle, many Reformed-Protestant-Fundamental-Evangelical church “Organizations” have become just that — CORPORATE organizations. Their pilots love that aspect of “The Governmental Theory.” No more of that “hippy-crap” — holding hands, singing kum bi ya and simply praying together. No. That out-dated “praying-together” terminology just will not do anymore.
“Brother and sister elect, let us bow our heads in ‘CORPORATE’-prayer.”
The Re-Forming and Re-Forming part of the Reformation is still going strong. Today, in the twenty-first century, The Church is Re-Formed on a daily basis. New denominations pop up weekly. The problem is dire. Best illustrated by The Six Puzzles Each Minus-the-Center-Piece Parable. Each of the six puzzle-sets (Atonement Theories) that the “learned” are drawing from, are ALL missing the most important piece. Like a Multiple Personality Syndrome plagued with incomplete personalities. Really, what IS going on in Judge Fleming’s convoluted head? As the Living God looks across ALL of Christendom (every denomination), what do you suppose He sees? The stark Reality is worse than The Six Puzzles Each Minus-the-Center-Piece Parable. The overall image depicted on each puzzle box is essentially the same. Unfortunately, the vast majority of the pieces that come out of the box do not fit. Christian dogma across the board is 95% dead wrong. Thus far, we have exposed some of it. From its non-Biblical foundation (Original Sin) to “The Plane Crash” (punctuating Paul’s piloting skills). From Judge Fleming’s total disregard of God’s warning: “Never eat the fruit from The Tree of The Knowledge of Good & Evil” (demonstrated daily by a “belief system” entirely engulfed by The Knowledge of Good & Evil), to outright blasphemy, such as: “The Holy Spirit convicts us of our sin.” ALL the lies told to us about Adam & Eve and Cain & Able; the constant betrayal to Jesus’ specific instruction: “Tell NO ONE I am the Christ,” (demonstrated daily by the Church-Taught flat out telling everyone: “He is the Christ!”) From the “repent” insert (burying what Jesus actually said: “Change your way of thinking”); to the “Church” Insert (actually inserting ITSELF into the Bible); to perhaps Christianity’s most dreadful and puzzling error to date: The abject uselessness of each and every Church Atonement Theory.
Any student with open eyes should at least begin to consider the reality of the 95% figure — likely an understatement. How can the Holy Spirit put such a horrible number (95% error) in proper perspective for us? The Deck-of-Cards Parable. The Church-Taught Christian is drawing from a deck of cards with only three cards in the deck. And, just in case (perhaps, because of your strict, Church-Taught, moral Christian up-bringing) you have never learned how many “corporate-entities” there are supposed to be in a deck of cards; brother, that glorious number is fifty-two.
Is there anything about “Atonement” upon which ALL of Christendom agrees? Kind of. What ALL of our twenty-first century Christian Church fathers, pilots, copilots and flight crew seem to agree upon (remarkably) is that our “Justification” is merely one of three Church-Taught endeavors (supposedly required by God) that every good Christian must attain in order for him or her to earn his or her First-Class ticket into Heaven: “Justification,” “Sanctification” & “Glorification.” (Thanks, Paul) To put it simply (well, that’s impossible, but I’ll try): Truly-Accepting-What’s-Been-Done-For-Us-On-the-Cross is not enough. Once you are convinced to have “faith” in your “Justification”... whatever that might be, depending on whatever sub-sect of whatever denomination-combination of the six theories your evangelical-convincer has, he, himself, been convinced to “believe” in — I would add “she, herself” except for Paul, the great-grandfather of ALL this mess, “fundamentally” declared (at 1 Corinthians 14:34-35; and 1 Timothy 2:11-12) that a woman should remain silent, having no authority to convince anyone of any theory as to What’s-Been-Done-For-Us-On-the-Cross — anyway... by whatever means you are taught what “Justification” is — and — once you have been convinced to have “faith” in it, you then need to roll up your sleeves and get your cotton-picking hands (yes, that’s a slave reference) to work at achieving your “Sanctification.” Thus, you can embrace the *built-in* self-defeating part. In other words, you are to get to work at achieving the unachievable. If that’s not abject self-defeating error, what should we call it? To get to work at achieving the unachievable is certainly not an accidental oxymoron. Sadly, it is not even a bad joke. Seriously: Today’s Christian Church has determined that you need to get to work at achieving what today’s Christian Church has determined is unachievable.
Our “Sanctification” is Christianeese for... oh, wow... trust me, it’s just too tiring in this already much too long history lesson on Christian theoretical theology to list ALL of the “ands” and “dos” and “don’ts” associated with self-earned righteousness. But, you can bet your bottom dollar that one of the “dues” (pun and specific spelling intended) is that you need to be a tithe-offering member.
However (or should I say then?)... better, yet... finally — and I am using the word “finally” in the most dire and literal way possible — you get to shuffle off into your “Glorification.” Again, I will not bother to translate the Christianeese. Suffice to say, your “Glorification” is... well. It’s to die for.
Regaining PERFECTION and FREEDOM right now in the flesh — which includes the FREEDOM to have a totally unencumbered relationship with God the Father — are, remarkably, the exact two things Judge Fleming is determined to convince you that you cannot completely-get in this Life. You have to be dead to get them... completely. You know? No. Actually, you don’t KNOW. It is ALL one preposterous theory. That’s Organized Religion for you. Precisely why the pilots in charge of the cash-cow love calling this endlessly complicated monstrosity: “Our Faith.” Justification... to Glorification. Or, for ALL intents and practical purposes, ashes... to ashes. Dust... to dust. What’s been done for you on the cross... to self-earned righteousness. FREEDOM... to slavery. The Lord giveth... and The Church taketh AWAY.
Gather around, children, and I will share with you The Telephone Parable. Look at our Church-Taught teachers’ handed-down-explanation to us of What’s-Been-Done-For-Us-On-the-Cross like the kids version of “Telephone.” The first line of communication being Jesus. Then, Twelve kids. Actually, two kids out of the remaining Eleven who’s phone call actually got patched-through to us (brothers Matthew and John); the whisperings of what another kid out of the remaining Eleven (brother Peter) told his disciple (brother Mark); and... the endless blabbering of one isolated Pharisee-Extremist (our dear brother, Paul) along with what he told his disciple (brother Luke). Next... a two-thousand-mile-long line of birds sitting on a telephone wire (both the Formed and Re-Formed Church). And... finally... it gets to its intended receiver on the other end of the phone — someone yet to hear the Good News.
The Word started out as... “RANSOM”... and came through to the other side as... SATISFACTION, JUSTIFICATION, SACRIFICE, SUBSTITUTION, FEE, BILL, LOAN, SECOND MORTGAGE and/or some combination of two of these. Three of them. Four. Or... ALL of the above.
Man alive! Just how much is my “Salvation” gonna cost me?
Plenty. Becoming brainwashed into any Church-Atonement-Theory and soul-shamed by its application is the spiritual cost for any person who happens to answer the phone. As for the physical, down-to-earth cost — especially during “worship-time” (be sure to keep the “cost” part in mind) — the “operator” always steps in at some point during “the call” announcing...
“This call is person-to-person. Will you please accept the charges?”
Don’t laugh... it gets worse. This is Old-School. Long-distance phone calls are not FREE in this dimension. What has changed is the “person-to-person” part. At this point along the infrastructure (in the Telephone game) we are talking “Corporation-to-person.” If you think that’s funny, you should hear how the Senior Pastor chastised his duly appointed underling (the operator).
“No, no, operator. This is the twenty-first century. Get the lingo straight. It’s no longer, ‘Will you please accept the charges?’ We’ve changed ALL that to: ‘Will you partner-up with us?’”
Same old song. You may even know the song, BUT... (as always) if you want to dance to the tune; hey, brother, you need to pay the piper. Truly... it’s the twenty-first century cover-version of Gimmie That Old Time Religion. We are told that prostitution is the world’s oldest profession. I don’t know. I think it is a toss-up. Actually, prostitution did not start until the third generation of humankind. Unless one counts, prostituting our relationship with God. That would be where humanity stops knowing God and starts “believing” in God.
Wow. How does one make that transition?
By inventing an imaginary “belief system.” How very interesting. Instruct us, oh-knowledgeable theologians. How do we begin? By leaving something on the nightstand for “God” as payment. We can trace ALL THAT back to our first Neanderthal theologians. No. Not second-century Christendom. Much further back. Second-Generation humanity. Cain & Able.
The prosecution would like to call its first witness. Detective Donavan.
Detective, what, if anything, have you determined was the catalyst that caused the defendant, Cain, to take the Life of his little brother, Abel?
Well, no offense to you, your honor (it would appear that Judge Fleming himself is presiding). It was the damnedest thing these kids could have ever come up with. What professionals call, “Theia Mania.” They was takin’ fruit and vegetables and even cute little furry animals and BURNIN’ ’EM UP before this “god” they had imagined!
